Rugby Girls

We are the rugby girls
We wear our hair in curls
We wear our knickers to our knees (to our knees)
We never smoke or drink
- that's what our parents think
We are the rugby girls (two, three)
We have a certain reputation
- for molesting all the boys
And for drinking lots of alcohol
And for making lots of noise
We are the girls who like to ruck and maul
We are the fastest with the ball
We are from Guy's and Tommy's Hospitals
And we're gonna f*** you all!

He stuck his dick

He stuck his dick into my eye
Yo ho, yo ho
He stuck his dick into my eye
Yo ho, yo ho
He stuck his dick into my eye
I said "get out you're way too high"
Get in, get out, stop f***ing about
You're playing for Guy's now

He stuck his dick…

into my nose (get out that's not where it goes)
into my mouth (eugh huh, eugh huh, eugh huh)
into my ear (get out you're nowhere near)
into my tits (get out that's not it)
into my tum (don't come, don't come, don't come)
into my crack (get out I don't like that)
between my thighs (I crossed my fingers and closed my eyes)
(sung slower) into my clit (that's it!! that's it!! that's it!!!)

My Husband's a…

My husband's a jockey, a jockey, a jockey
A very fine jockey is he e e e
All day he rides horses, rides horses, rides horses
And when he comes home he rides me

You've got to dance a little bit, f*** a little bit,
Follow the band,
Follow the band with your tits in your hand
You've got to dance a little bit, f*** a little bit,
Follow the band
Follow the band all the way

My husband's a…
diver…goes down
mounted policeman…rides horses
baker…fills tarts
builder…lays bricks
taxidermist…stuffs animals
doctor…f***s nurses
nuclear physicist…splits atoms
lawyer…screws clients
student…does f*** all

final verse: rugby player…plays rugby…falls asleep

Rugby Men

Rugby men they play 1
They all take it up the bum

Chorus: With a scrum down, line out
Get into a ruck,
Rugby men aren't worth a f***,

Rugby men, they play 2
They can't get it up to screw

Rugby men, they play 3
They cannot get sex for free

Rugby men, they play 4
They can't get it up to score

Rugby men, they play 5
They can't get a girl alive

Rugby men, they play 6
Little boys with little dicks

Rugby men, they play 7
They can't take me up to heaven

Rugby men, they play 8
I would rather masturbate

Rugby men, they play 9
They all take it from behind

Rugby men, they play 10
Little boys who think they're men

Men's Locker Room

You can tell by his angle
That he hasn't got much dangle

Chorus: When the end of the match comes around
Singing aye aye aye in the men's locker room
Jock straps and Y-fronts on the floor (on the floor)
Singing small, singing small, singing extra extra small
When the end of the match comes around

You can tell by the smell
That he hasn't got much bell

You can tell by his walk
That he hasn't got much pork

(Other verses made up on the spot about various rugby boys and girls…)

Chicago

I used to work in Chicago,
In an old department store,
I used to work in Chicago,
I don't work there any more.

A man came in for a carpet,
A carpet from the store,
A carpet he wanted,
A shag he got… don't work there anymore

otter he wanted, my beaver he got
kitten he wanted, my pussy he got
strawberries he wanted, my cherry he got
raspberries he wanted, my melons he got
pirate outfit he wanted, jolly rogering he got
officers recreational facility he wanted, my mess he got
camel he wanted, hump he got
seafood he wanted, my crabs he got
nails he wanted, a screw he got
quick service he wanted, quickly serviced he got
ground coffee he wanted, a grinding he got
jumper he wanted, jumped he got
screwdriver he wanted, screwed he got
hammer he wanted, nailed he got
gun he wanted, banged he got
butter he wanted, my legs spread he got
fabric he wanted, felt he got

etc etc

We don't play for adoration

We don't play for adoration
We don't play for victory
We just play for fornication
F-*-*-K-I-N-G

Balls to (insert team name), balls to (insert team name)
We won't play you anymore (anymore)
We won't play you anymore

Girls of Guy's

Girls of Guy's
Strong and Steady
Whips and Dildos at the ready
When we get you into bed, we'll screw you to the floor

Lots of tassles turning [turning],
Lots of nipples bleeding [bleeding]
Tits are hurting, spunk is spurting
Pubic hairs hanging from the ceiling

Syphilitic foreskins we don't mind
You can always take us from behind
Pelvic thrusts
Orgasmic pleasure

Guy's girls are we

Gang Bang

We'll have another gang bang, yes we will
'Cos a gang bang gives me such a thrill
When I was younger and in my prime
I'd have a gang bang all the time
But now I'm older and going grey
I'll have a gang bang once a day

His name was Phil
Feel his balls and have another…

His name was Nicholas
Knickerless and ready for another…

His name Andy
Handy with his tongue to start another…

His name was Guy
Guide his cock and start another…

Etc etc

Lovin' feelin'

You never close your eyes any more when I kiss your lips
There's no tenderness like before in your fingertips
You're trying hard not to show it.. baby
But baby, baby I know it...

Chorus:
You lost that lovin' feeling, wow that loving feeling
You lost that loving feeling now its gone gone gone o o o!

Now there's no welcome look in your eyes when I reach for you
and girl you're starting to criticise little things I do
it makes me just feel like crying baby,
Cos baby something beautiful's dying

Chorus

Baby, baby, I'd get down on my knees for you
if you would only love me like you used to do
We had a love, a love, a love you don't find every day
So don't don't don't let it slip away
baby baby, baby please
I need your love

Chorus (bring back that lovin feeling)

Chorus (You've lost that lovin feeling)

Cockles and Mussels

CHORUS:Alive, alive-o, alive, alive-o
Singing cockles and mussels
Alive, alive-o.

In Dublin's fair city where girls are so pretty
I first set my eyes on sweet Molly Malone
As she wheeled her wheel barrow, through streets broad and narrow
Singing cockles and mussels alive, alive-o.

She was a fishmonger, but sure twas no wonder
For so were her father and mother before
And they each wheeled the barrow, through streets broad and narrow
Singing cockles and mussels alive, alive-o.

She died of a fever and no one could save her
And that was the end of sweet Molly Malone
Her ghost wheels her barrow, through streets broad and narrow
Singing cockles and mussels alive, alive-o.

Roll A Silver Dollar

You can roll a silver dollar, down along the ground,
and it will roll, because its round
A woman doesn't know what a good man she's got,
until she puts him down, down down, down,
Listen, my honey, listen to me, I want you to understand,
That like a silver dollar goes from hand to hand,
so a woman goes from hand to hand,
Because a man without a woman,
Is like a ship without a sail,
he's like a boat without a rudder
is like a fish without a tail,
I say a man without a woman is like a wreck upon the shore
But if there's one thing worse in this universe it's a woman,
oh yes a woman, I said a woman without a man

Abe, Abe, Abe my boy what are you waiting for now
You promised to marry me some day in june
Its never too late and its never too soon
All the family they keep on asking me, which day? what day? I'm in the family way
Abe, Abe, Abe my boy what are you waiting for now

On a bike, on a trike, in the middle of the night
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey (skies are grey, skies are grey)
You'll never notice, how much I love you
So please don't take my sunshine away

Repeat verse:
We were strolling along
On a moonlight bay
All the people they were singing
What did they say
You have stolen my heart
Don't go away
All the people they were singing
On a moonlight bay

The Wild Rover

I've played the wild rover for many a year,
and I've spent all my money on whiskey and beer.
And now I'm returning with gold in great store,
and I never will play the wild rover no more.

Chorus
And it's no, nay, never,
no, nay, never no more.
Will I play the wild rover,
no, never, no more.

I went to an ale-house I used to frequent,
and I told the landlady my money was spent.
I asked her for credit, she answered me "Nay.
Such custom as yours I can find any day."

Chorus

And then from my pocket I took sovereigns bright
and the landlady's eyes opened wide with delight.
She said "I have whiskey and wines of the best.
Sure the words that I spoke, they were only in jest."

Chorus

I went to my parents, confessed what I'd done,
and I asked them to pardon their prodigal son.
They kissed me, caressed me, as oft times before,
And never will I play the wild rover no more.

Chorus

The poor cook he got the fits threw away all of the grits and then he went and ate all of my corn Oh let me go home, why don't ya let me go home I feel so broke up I wanna go home. Chorus The Captain's a wicked man beats up on us whenever he can he don't give a damn about pappy and me I wanna go home, why don't you leave us alone this is the worst trip I've ever been on. Chorus

&nsbp;

I wanna go home

Sailed on the Sloop John B
My granddaddy and me
'Round Nassau town we did roam
We'd been drinkin' all night
Well I got into a fight
Yeah and I feel so pissed up [shit]
I wanna go home

Chorus:
Hoist up the John B sail's
See how the mainsail sets
Send for the Captain ashore
And let me go home
I wanna go home, I wanna go home, yeah
'Cause I feel so pissed up [shit], I wanna go home
to tommy's to tommy's
Yes, I feel so pissed up up, [shit],
I wanna go home, to Tommy's, to Tommy's

The first mate he got drunk
broke in the Captains bunk
the constable had to come and take him away
the sheriff John Stone,
why don't you leave me alone
I feel so pissed up [shit] I wanna go home.
Chorus

Well Captain's a wicked man
He gets drunk any time he can
And he don't give a damn for grandpappy
No, nor me
He kicks us around
And he knocks us about
Well I feel so pissed up, [shit]
I wanna go home
Chorus

The poor cook he got the fits
threw away all of the grits
and then he went and ate all of my corn
Oh let me go home,
why don't ya let me go home
I feel so pissed up [shit] I wanna go home
Chorus

Yesterday

Yesterday. The vicar came home just to roger me,
Eight hours later he's still on top of me,
Oh I believe in yesterday.

Syphilis. How the f***ing hell did I get this?
Feels like needles running through my piss,
Oh I believe in syphilis.

Leprosy. I'm not half the man I used to be,
Bits and pieces falling off of me,
Oh I believe in leprosy.

Gonorrhea. It all started with a little queer,
Why did I ever take it up the rear
Oh I believe in gonorrhea.

Amputees. You don't even have to spread their knees,
You can slide it in and out with ease,
Oh I believe in amputees.

Birth control. It's the only way to save your soul,
when you're coming up your girlfriends hole.
Oh I believe in birth control.

HIV: There soes my T cell mediated immunity
Kaposi's sarcomas all over me
Oh I believe in HIV

Swing Low Sweet Chariot

Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin' for to carry me home;
Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin' for to carry me home.

I looked over Jordan, and
What did I see,
Comin' for to carry me home?
A band of angels comin' after me,
Comin' for to carry me home

Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin' for to carry me home

If you get there before I do
Comin' for to carry me home,
Tell all my friends I'm comin' too
Comin' for to carry me home

Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin' for to carry me home;

Sometimes I'm up,
Sometimes I'm down,
Comin' for to carry me home;
Yet still my soul feels heavn'ly bound,
Comin' for to carry me home

Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin' for to carry me home

Jerusalem

And did those feet in ancient time,
Walk upon England's mountains green?
And was the Holy Lamb of God,
On England's pleasant pastures seen?
And did the Countenance Divine,
Shine forth upon our clouded hills?
And was Jerusalem builded here,
Among those dark Satanic mills ?

Bring me my bow of burning gold,
Bring me my arrows of desire,
Bring me my spear ! 0 clouds, unfold,
Bring me my Chariot of Fire,
I will not cease from mental fight;
Nor Shall my sword sleep in my hand,
Till we have built Jerusalem,
In England's green and pleasant land.

Why was she born so beautiful

Why was she born so beautiful
Why was she born at all
She's no fucking use to anyone
She's no fucking use at all

She should be publicly pissed on,
She should be publicly shot (bang, bang),
She should be tied to a urinal,
And left there to fester and rot.

Yogi Bear

There is a bear in Yellow Stone,
Yogi, Yogi,
There is a bear in Yellow Stone,
Yogi, Yogi Bear.
CHORUS:
Yogi, Yogi Bear,
Yogi, Yogi Bear,
There is a bear in Yellow Stone,
Yogi, Yogi Bear.

Yogi's got a little friend,
Booboo, BOOBOO,
Yogi's got a little friend,
Booboo, Booboo Bear.
BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR,
BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR,
YOGI'S GOT A LITTLE FRIEND,
BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR.

And similarly:
Yogi's got a girlfriend, CIndy, Cindy, Cindy Bear.

Yogi's got an enemy, Ranger Ranger, Ranger Smith

Yogi's got a cheesy knob, cammum, Cammum, Camembert.

Cindy likes it on the fridge, polar, Polar, polar bear.

Booboo likes it up the arse, brown, Brown, brown bear.

Cindy hates it up the arse, something, Something she cant bear.

Yogi's dick is long and green, cucum, Cucum, cucumber.

Cindy likes to shave her pubes, grizzly, Grizzly, grizzly bare.

Cindy's only three feet tall, perfect, perfect, perfect bear.

Yogi has a twelve inch cock, Cindy's a lucky bear.

Cindy likes a ménage à trois, she's my kind of bear.

Cindy likes lingerie, teddy, teddy, teddy bear.

Cindy has no teeth, Gummi, Gummi, Gummi bear.

Cindy she has great big tits, More than, More than I can bear.

Boo-Boo likes it upside down, Koala, Koala, Koala bear.

Yogi got the crabs, itchy, itchy, itchy bear.

Yogi likes to roll his own, Smoky, Smoky, Smoky bear.

Ranger Smith lives by himself, Wanker, Wanker, Wanker Smith.

Yogi uses condoms, Clever, Clever, Clever bear.

Boo-Boo pokes holes in them, naughty, naughty, naughty bear.